if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
