You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
