You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
