booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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