I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
