I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
