the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
COCAINE IS GR8
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
