Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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