there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My vagina is very pro this idea
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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