just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
