Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
