At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
