see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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