Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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