So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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