We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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