sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
