All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
