We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
