maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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