Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would ride that face into the sunset
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
