i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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