I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
