Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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