i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
