It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
