I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
