It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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