I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
