your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
