There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
