the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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