Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
