Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
