I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
