What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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