He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
