Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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