Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
