It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize