I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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