I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
