the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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