I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
