we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
