I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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