I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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