Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
