i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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