Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
