clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
